Write to Inspire

Character Chart

2011-07-18T11:10:00.001-07:00

There are numerous ways to create a believable, unique character. One is to fill out a character chart. By the time you have answered all of the questions below, you will know more about the key players in your novel than you know about your friends. This chart should also help trigger some plot points.

Character Chart

Name of your character (first, last, and middle):
Meaning of name. Reason parents named character. Nickname? As a child or adult? How do they feel about that nickname and how did they acquire it?

Age: Height: Weight: Race/ethnicity:

Hair color: Eye color: Skin tone:

Physical illnesses or afflictions:

Any scars or birthmarks? How did he/she get the scar?

Way of dressing/style/favorite outfit:

How does he/she feel about their face and body?

Characteristic gestures:

Speaking style (talkative, taciturn, soft, loud, formal, etc.):

Where were they born? In what city? Specific details, if important.

Where do they live now? Why?

Describe their living space (neat, cluttered, sparse, etc.)

Education: Level of school finished. How did they fit in at school? Favorite teacher. Favorite memory. Most embarrassing moment. Friends. Enemies.

Occupation(s): How does he/she feel about job? Have he/she lived up to parents’ expectations?

Income: earned? Inherited?

What is character’s skills/abilities/talents/expertise?

Marital Status: Married? How long? Happily? Living with someone? Who? Single? Children? Status of marriage. Spell out relationships.

If children, spell out names, ages, etc.

Parents: Write out a paragraph about relationship with parents.

Siblings: How many, relationship with each.

List any other important relative and influence on character such as grandparents, aunt, uncle.

List childhood traumas, moments that shaped character: arrests, rejections, failures.

Describe greatest fault: anger, unwillingness to confront, etc.

Describe greatest strength: ability to keep a secret, loyal, trustworthy, etc.

What does he/she do for entertainment?

What kind of food/drink does he/she like?

Physical activities?

Does he/she have any pets? As a child?

Introvert/extrovert?

Any quirks? Admirable traits? Negative traits? Bad habits or vices?

How about prejudices or pet peeves?

What embarrasses your character?

Greatest fear?

Religious beliefs. Write out his/her testimony.

Opinions on politics, environment, crime, gun control etc.?

What is your character’s biggest dream?

Long term goals/short term goals.

What major problem does he/she have to solve or overcome?

What character growth will there be by the end of the story?

What lessons will your character have learned?

How will his/her life change by the end of the story?

Deadly Writing Mistake #7: Cardboard Characters

2011-07-13T17:03:00.001-07:00

If you write fiction—it’s easy to create two-dimensional characters, or what some call cardboard characters. Even in nonfiction, we can be guilty of describing people in one dimensional terms.

Poor: Elaine is five-foot-six, has brown hair, and is thirty-two years old. She’s the divorced mother of two.

It takes time, thought, and hard work to fashion individuals, people who feel real to our readers.

Better: Elaine’s heavy brows knit together in pain and worry; a child of two clings to one leg, nervous as a wild cat. In her arms sits a baby who keeps grabbing at her mom’s long, greasy nut-brown hair. “He never meant to hit me,” Elaine says, touching her blue and yellow cheekbone. “It was the drinking that made him do it. If he’d just stay out of the bars, we’d be okay.”

The first example tells the reader who Elaine is. The second one leaves a mental memory, something the reader won’t forget. We know volumes about her life, all in three sentences.

Here’s an illustration I took from a book I recently read:

“Michael Archer found it hard to look at the young man before him. Ben Carstairs, only twenty-two, stood like a boy grown too tall, too soon. Each strand of his of his sandy hair grew as if it had a mind of its own. Handcuffs encircled his fine-boned wrists in loops of heavy iron. His lips quivered. Fear raged in his brown eyes.” Henry McLaughlin, Journey to Riverbend (Tyndale House Publishers, 2011) pg 1.

To create memorable characters do a character chart (a sample follows). This will help you with the facts of your character’s life. But you want to go deeper, get into their head and heart, actually hear their voice in your head. Ways to do this is to put on the persona of your character and write three pages as fast as you can. Now discard this and begin over. Once more, hit delete and start again. By now you will have gotten past the critic who sits on your shoulder and you will have dipped deeper into your creative mind than you may have ever gone before.

For an excellent book on this topic, I suggest Brandilyn Collin’s Getting into Character.

Deadly Writing Mistake #6: Repetition

2011-07-11T10:22:00.001-07:00

No one wants to be tagged as a newbie. Repetition of words or sentence structure shouts to an editor you don’t know what you’re doing.

An example of word repetition: Raspberries taste best right off the bush. Ways to serve raspberries include: raspberry pie, raspberry crisp, raspberry crepes. Others tell me they like their raspberries on breakfast cereal, yogurt, and with ice cream.

A bit over the top, but you get the point. Writing this same paragraph using the word raspberry only once is a challenge, but it can be done. Try it.

Sometimes we write using repetition thinking we’re making our point stronger. In fact, repeating words takes away from what we’re trying to say. Example: Texting while driving causes accidents—accidents which are entirely unnecessary.

When speaking, this repetition would work. Not for the reader.

Another form of repetition is in sentence structure. All complex or all simple sentences can create a dull piece. The reader may not even realize what is bothering them about the writing. By mixing up your sentence lengths and complexities, you create interest.

Once I edited a book where almost every sentence began with a gerund (a word that begins with –ing). Most of us would catch this right away in our own writing, but we might not notice overuse of words like but, and, or as.

To catch repetion read your material aloud to someone else. I highly recommend a writing group.

Deadly Writing Mistake #5: Using Cliches (Part Two)

2011-07-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Clichés can also be an overused idea.

Have you ever read a novel and thought, I’ve read this storyline before? Some common plot lines I’ve seen in my years of being a writing teacher and contest judge are:
1) a woman goes home for her class reunion and meets her high school sweetheart,
2) a chemical company is polluting a small town’s water and people are dying of cancer,
3) an old woman (or man) is suspected of being mean in a children’s book, but in the end, the character discovers she is really nice. I’ll bet you can add to this list.

Settings can also become cliché-like. Examples include: conversations that take place in a restaurant, at a kitchen table, or while driving in a car. Why not spice up your book by picking an unusual place for those dialogues? Why not use an attraction like a park or museum or special place that shows off the uniqueness of town where you’ve set your novel? In Seattle we have Pike Place Market, the Space Needle, and ferries. Or give your character an unusual occupation and hold the conversation while he’s putting on scuba gear, butchering a hog, or climbing out of a combine.

Most of us use clichés of setting, plot, and description without realizing it. We grab for them when we are in a hurry. They may even feel fresh, like something no one has ever written about before because we’re writing about something that happened to us. Or we do it because we’re trying to meet a deadline.

The best way to guard against clichés is to read, read, read, especially in your genre. If you write murder mysteries, you will soon discover common themes, settings, plots and you will soon learn to avoid them.

Also, take time and dig deeper into your creative mind. Even a cliché can become fresh if you find a new way to approach it. The woman who goes home to her high school reunion is a common story line for a reason. Many women have this fantasy and want to read about scenarios such as this. The challenge is to put a new twist on an old familiar theme.

Can you name a cliché you’ve seen recently?

Deadly Writing Mistake #5: Using Cliches (Part One)

2011-06-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

A cliché is a phrase or word that has lost its original effectiveness or power from overuse. An example would be cute as a bug’s ear or dead as a doornail. What exactly do those phrases mean? Does anyone know what a doornail looks like? Have you ever seen a bug’s ear? Sure, you might never use these obvious clichés in your writing, but you might use others without knowing it. When a reader comes across a cliché, they read right past it. No image is triggered in their mind.

Why do we use clichés? Usually we reach for them when we’re in a hurry. They are on the surface of our brain and we grab for them when we’re searching for an easy description. They may even feel fresh. But if we use them too often, an editor may label us as hackneyed. Coming up with fresh similes and metaphors takes time. Some authors spend an hour trying to describe the sound of the ocean or the face of dead person. An example from P.D. James’ The Private Patient: “Rhoda Gadwyn was lying on her back, her two arms were raised awkwardly above her head, as if in a gesture of theatrical surprise.” Not only does this feel fresh, but her words trigger an image that sticks with the reader.

To avoid using clichés, learn to recognize them and cut them from your work. Below is a list of common ones.

Cliches of Comparison

As the day is long
Ate like a pig
Behaved like a lamb
Bigger than life
Black as night
Blind as a bat
Cold as ice
Cool as a cucumber
Cute as a bug’s ear
Dead as a doornail
Deep as the ocean
Drop like a hot potato
Drunk as a lord
Easy as pie
Eager beaver
Feeling your oats
Filled to the brim
Free as a bird
Free as a breeze
Fought like a tiger
Fresh as a daisy
Gentle as a lamb
Gentle breeze
Green as a gourd
Green as grass
Green with envy
Happy as a clam
Happy as a lark
Heart of gold
Hot as a firecracker
Hot as hell
Hungry as a bear
Jack of all trades
Lay low
Light as a feather
Like a flash
Like a graveyard
Like walking on eggs
Like water off a duck’s back
Naked as a jaybird
Naked as the day he/she was born
Out like a light
Please as punch
Pretty as a picture
Pure as a lily
Pure as the driven snow
Purple with anger
Quick as a flash
Quick as a mouse
Quick as a wink
Quicker than you can say Jack Robinson
Ran like deer
Silent as a tomb
Slept like a log
Sly as a fox
Smooth as glass
Snug as a bug in a rug
Sober as a judge
Soft as silk
Straight as die
Smooth as silk
Straight as an arrow
Strong as an ox
Stubborn as a mule
Sweet as honey
Sweet as sugar
Swift as a bird

Clichés of Description

Absent minded professor
Brilliant student
Brink of disaster
Briny deep
Burning question
Burst of applause
Busy executive
Calm before the storm
Cheeks like roses
Collapse of civilization
Dawn of hope
Debt of gratitude
Depths of despair
Forests of masts
Fund of knowledge
Harried housewife
Heart of gold
Impossible dream
Laurels of victory
Lips like cherries
Liquid brown eyes
Long arm of the law
Looked like a Greek god
Madonna-like face
Man of integrity
Mona Lisa smile
New horizons
Question of life or death
Remarkable technique
Rich reward
Ripe old age
Road to success
Rewards of industry
Sea of faces
Ship of state
Special occasion
Splendid achievement
Startling phenomenon
Straight and narrow
Sumptuous repast
Supreme sacrifice
Tall, dark, and handsome
Tide of events
Trials and tribulations
Ultimate goal
Unexpected turn of events
Word to the wise
Unknown factor
Unpleasant surprise
Veritable gold mind
Victor’s crown, spoils
Viselike grip

** Pat Kubia and Bob Howard, Writing Fiction, Nonfiction, and How to Publish, Reston Publishing Company, Inc., A Prentice-Hall Company (Reston Virginia, 1985), 89-90.

Deadly Writing Mistake #4: Unwilling to Rewrite

2011-06-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have two writing friends who have both written several novels. Janet submitted her first novel to a major publishing house. The editors at this house asked her to rewrite her manuscript at least four times before they published it. Her seventh and eighth novels are due out in the coming year. Each of her books has required at least one or two rewrites, which is the norm in her genre, middle grade and YA fiction.

Robert has submitted his novels to major publishing houses and several agents. He too has received requests for rewrites, but he refuses to do them. He says he can’t be bothered. They need to take his books as is. He finds rewriting boring. Robert has never published and complains about how difficult it is to get published.

What would you do if asked to rewrite your manuscript? Do you think the hard work would be worth it?

Deadly Writing Mistake #3: Failing to Submit

2011-06-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

I once had a student who flew helicopters in Vietnam, drove truck, worked as a policeman, fireman, and did just about every manly job you can name. His poetry about his war experiences made the class weep. He confided in me that he’d penned similar poems, but doubted he’d ever publish because he didn’t think he could ever overcome his fear of submitting. At that moment I became aware of how scary it can be to put our writings out there—for someone to judge, to say yea or nay to it.

No matter how great your idea, how beautiful your prose, how perfectly you’ve slanted your piece to fit a market, you’ll never publish something sitting in a file in your computer.

Seems obvious, doesn’t it? But you’d be surprised how difficult it is to take a chance, send something out, and risk rejection

If you’re struggling with submitting-itis, you’re not alone. I see this problem among the most gifted writers, including myself. I use the verse, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” to help me. You may find another verse works for you. Go to Christ and pray, ask him to help you overcome this malady so you can fulfill your calling as a writer.

During my teaching year, I held a contest every year. I gave a prize to the person with the most rejections and a prize to the person with the most acceptances. Surprise! The same person won every single time.

1923 Teacher Code of Ethics

2011-06-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

The Idaho Education News published the following code of ethics a teacher in 1923 had to sign. She must agree:

1. Not to get married. This contract becomes null and void immediately if the teacher marries.
2. Not to keep company with men.
3. To be home between the hours of 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless she is in attendance at a school function.
4. Not to loiter downtown in ice cream parlors.
5. Not to leave town at any time without the permission of the chairman of the Board of Trustees.
6. Not to smoke cigarettes. This contract becomes null and void immediately if the teacher is found smoking.
7. Not to drink beer, wine or whisky. This contract becomes null and void immediately if the teacher is found drinking beer, wine, or whisky.
8. Not to ride in a carriage or automobile with any man except her brothers or father.
9. Not to dress in bright colors.
10. Not to dye her hair.
11. To wear at least two petticoats.
12. Not to wear dresses more than two inches above the ankles.
13. To keep the schoolroom clean; to sweep the classroom floor at least once daily; to scrub the classroom floor once a week with hot water and soap; to clean the blackboards at least once daily; to start the fire at 7 a.m. so the room will be warm at 8 a.m. when the children arrive; to carry out the ashes at least once daily.
14. Not to use face powder, mascara, or paint the lips.

The monthly salary for a teacher was $75.00.

Ilo-Vollmer Historical Society, School Bells & Ink Wells, (Craigmont, ID, 2011) pg. xix.

Deadly Writing Mistake #2: Writing without Know Your Audience

2011-06-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Bestselling author Tim LaHaye says he writes as if writing a letter to a friend. Who do you picture when you put pen to paper?

Magazines and book publishers have well-defined audiences. If you don’t know what market you’re targeting, then you don’t know who your audience is. Are they new believers or seasoned Christians who attend church regularly? Are they from a denomination where people sit politely in the pews or one where attenders dance and raise their hands to the music? Are they moms of preschoolers, teenagers, or senior citizens? If you think this doesn’t matter, then you’re making a deadly mistake.

When I write, I picture a specific person. If I can, I develop someone who would be a reader of the publication I’m targeting. This keeps me from bringing in material that wouldn’t interest my friend. This method keeps me from preaching because I imagine eyes rolling. I also anticipate arguments to my points and answer within my article. People often tell me my articles and books feels as if I’m writing to the reader—maybe this is why.

How do you determine a magazine of publishing house’s audience? Sometimes writing guidelines or Web sites state this information. For magazines, you can figure it out by glancing at advertisements. Viagra, retirement communities, and books by well-known mainstream preachers say one thing. Pampers, exercise equipment, health foods, and Christian romance say another. If there are no ads, read the articles. You can quickly conclude the average reader by the language, the amount of scripture used, and the slant of each piece.

Doing the hard work of determining audience, creating an average reader, and then writing to a single person, takes time and creativity. But in the end, your writing will be sharper. And you’re more likely to get that coveted yes from an editor.

Deadly Writing Mistake #1 Writing without Knowing the Market

2011-06-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

Once there was a woman who went shopping. She found a lovely pair of red shoes on sale at Nordstrom’s. Delighted, she brought them home to her family. But they were too narrow for her sister, too short for her mother, and too big for her daughter. Disappointed, she put them away in her closet, never to be seen again.

This is the way it is when we write without knowing where to send our projects. We have to have an idea who will buy what we’re going to write before we begin. If you know where you’re going to send your finished article, then you’ll know:

• Length (editors will not cut 200 words out of your article)
• How much, if any, scripture to include
• Whether to use the name of Jesus, or the more generic God
• How much research to include, quotes from experts, or if your story is enough
• If the magazine prefers subheadings, or not
• The editor’s preference for openings
• Kinds of articles they take: how-tos, devotionals, expository, etc.

This is true of book publishers too. Writers’ guidelines will tell you if they take series only, the length and kinds of books they are seeking right now, and how to submit to them.

Where do you find this information? The Christian Writer’s Market Guide is published every year, but there is also the Children’s Market Guide, The Writer’s Market Guide (for the general market), and several others. Start here. Look up the magazines and publishing houses that interest you, then go to the Web sites listed for each publication. Here you will find writing guidelines, past articles, list of books published.

Finding a market after you’ve written an article, or a book, can be as frustrating as this knitter’s experience. Knowing the market before you write will save you disappointment, rejection, and your writings will end up in print instead of in a drawer.

Deadly Writing Mistakes

2011-06-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve worked with hundreds of writers over the past twenty years. Some publish right away. Others languish and never see their name in print. Yet, almost all have the same abilities. In fact, many of the unpublished writers are among the most gifted. What makes the difference? I have identified some deadly mistakes and in the next several postings will talk about them. Perhaps you’ll see yourself and be able to correct them before you bury your writing in a drawer and give up your writing dreams.

Who Am I?

2011-05-26T14:42:00.000-07:00

Do you struggle with your inner voice, mocking your faith? You're not devout enough, you don't spend enough time in the Word, you need to be closer to God? Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote “Who Am I” just one month before he was executed. This is an English translation of the famous text.

"Am I then really all that which other men tell of, or am I only what I know of myself, restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation, tossing in expectation of great events, powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint and ready to say farewell to it all.

Who am I?

This or the other? Am I one person today, and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I?

They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine."

Sticks and Stones

2011-05-24T07:41:00.001-07:00

Bev’s thick blonde hair flowed around her shoulders and down to her waist. Thin with hips a model would covet, I didn’t think she’d ever want to be friends with someone like me and so when she and her husband agreed to join my husband and me in our marriage ministry I was thrilled. Alone in a restroom, I finally had the opportunity to tell her how beautiful I thought she was.
“Me?”she said, sounding amazed. “What do you mean? I’m not beautiful.”
“Of course, you are.”
“No, look.” She pointed at bridge of her nose. “Don’t you see it?”
All I saw was a perfect nose. She turned sideways.
“The bump. Don’t you see it?”
Upon further examination, I noticed a small hump, but nothing extraordinary.
“I was teased growing up,” she said. “The other kids in my neighborhood called me witch. I don’t see anything but that bump when I look in the mirror.”
Suddenly I realized the power of name calling. This woman was in her thirties, long past the years of those childhood taunts. Yet they rang in her head, filtering the truth. How sad.

Misconceptions about God

2010-10-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

What misconception about God keeps you from having a full relationship with him? For me, I thought he was a hard disciplinarian, judging my failures and finding me wanting. When I told a white lie or lost my temper or failed to take a meal to my neighbor who was ill, I felt him turn away from me. I could see his face, his smile turned down with disgust. I would try to justify my actions, but that didn’t help. He didn’t want to hear my feeble excuses. And so of course, he wasn’t open to my prayers either. I knew what he thought, Get your act together, then I might do what you ask.

Is that the God of the Bible? Scripture says he’s my friend and his love is as deep and wide as the ocean and there’s nothing I can do that will separate us. He knows me inside and out (Psalm 139) and weeps when I hurt. He longs to hear my voice and wants a warm personal relationship with me. Think of your best friend and how her face lights up when she sees you. She greets you with a warm hug and wants to know every little thing about you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And when you share your mistakes, she doesn’t curl her mouth down in disgust, instead she puts her hand on yours, or better yet, holds you in her arms, and says she understands. She wipes your tears and urges you to do better and be better. But then take it one step further.

God wipes away my sins. He forgets them the moments I ask him for forgiveness. He totally heals my broken heart—and he answers my prayers, whether I deserve it or not. And he’s never farther away than a whisper.

FOR WRITERS ONLY
The good/bad news for writers is we must also be speakers. Here are some tips shared by nationally known speaker Bill Butterworth.

1. Don’t speak too long. Leave them wanting more.
2. Be concise. Don’t have more than three points in your presentation.
3. Be relevant. Know your audience and give them what they want.
4. Leave them with something to remember. Make it practical.
5. Make sure your presentation is clear. Use illustrations and stories.

Attitude Is Everything

2010-07-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

I worked with a writer many years ago who sent an article off to a major publication and it was accepted. We celebrated her good fortune because this was a big break in her writing career. However, when the article appeared, her precious words had been reduced to a paragraph. She was so angry and hurt, she stopped writing.

I worked with a writer a few years ago who sent an article off to a major publication and it was accepted. We celebrated her good fortune because this was a big break in her writing career. However, when the article appeared, her precious words had been reduced to a paragraph. She was disconcerted—for a few moments, but then said, “Fine. At least they paid me and gave me credit. And this will look great on my list of credentials.” She took this break and parlayed it into a book contract a couple of years later.

Which person would you like to be?

FOR WRITERS
I have a rule: When I receive a rejection, I try to put my article or story in the mail within 24 hours. This turns those ugly thoughts of wanting to give up, being sure I must have made a mistake to think I could write, and worrying that I’m wasting my time into hope. Finding another magazine or publishing house can be hard when you’re feeling low, so when you first develop your idea, make a list of at least three places that could be possible markets and put them with your article or story. This way, when the first house rejects you, you already have another place already scoped out.

A Different Kind of Moving Day

2010-07-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

For 63 years my mother has lived at the wrong address and didn’t know it. This past week she moved from 810 Villard to a new address and a new street all without leaving her home. At first she was upset and wanted to fight this discovery by the city council when they mapped the town. Letting everyone know her change of address was going to be difficult. How would the UPS man and the florist delivery person find her?

That wasn’t the only change she had to face. This weekend my husband helped her erect a mailbox in front of her house. Starting July 1, her mail will be delivered there instead of her post office box in town. Sounds convenient. Now she doesn’t have to drive, or walk, the half-mile downtown to collect her mail every day. This will be especially nice when the weather turns stormy and the roads are icy. Well, that’s not how she sees it. The daily trip to town is an excuse to get out of her house.

She lives by herself in the house where I was raised, the house that my dad built board by board and added onto as his family grew to eventually include three daughters and four sons. She’s reluctant to give it up because once a year we all come home for the June Picnic, a community celebration. Where else could she live that has five bedrooms and room for a tent in the backyard for the grandkids? She admits she gets lonely, but she wants to hang onto her home as long as she can. She understands that getting out keeps her mentally healthy.

But that’s not the only reason she enjoys the post office. It’s also the center of the community. She often runs into people she knows and she can chat with them and find out what is going on. She keeps up with who is in the hospital, who has had a new grandbaby, who is out of work, or who is new in town.

Even if she doesn’t run into another person, the post office is where everyone posts what’s for sale, upcoming events, and announcements. If she wants to know what’s going on, she reads the bulletin board. It’s a fount of information. Plus, that’s how she found the man who mows her lawn.

Now she will have one less reason to go to town. Moving is hard even when you don’t have to pick up a couch or a mattress and put it in the back of a pickup. But my mom has a good attitude. I’m sure she’ll find other reasons to stop into the post office. Maybe she’ll mail more letters to me.

FOR WRITERS
Today is the Fourth of July. Editors are on the lookout for articles with themes they can print in their July issues. Keep an ear open for stories during this weekend which you can write up and submit for next year’s celebration. Perhaps someone will ask you a question about the Revolutionary War. A bit of research and the answer can be the basis of an article. Think about five to seven little know facts about the founding fathers. I saw a survey on the news that said 22 percent of those surveyed didn’t know what country we fought against for our freedom. Seems as if everyone should know these basics, but obviously they don’t. Maybe instead of little known facts, you could use this survey and write up an article about the “basics facts” everyone should know. Be creative and you will have an article an editor will want—next year.

Expectations

2010-06-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

At church yesterday, we watched a video documentary about a young woman who has been blind since birth. She has never seen grass, the sky, or the face of her mother. She knows she’s beautiful, not because a mirror tells her so, but because Jesus told her what’s most important is she’s beautiful on the inside. Her one regret is she must depend on others to help her get through her days. She wishes she could be more independent. However, this doesn’t keep her from living with joy, which I could see expressed on her face, in her voice. This inner happiness flows from her great faith. She is so in love with Jesus that her greatest expectation is of the first face she will see—Jesus’.

As I heard her say that, I had to ask myself, am I living with that kind of expectation? I had to honestly answer no. I love my life, my new grandbaby, my kids, my activities. I’m wrapped up in my latest writing project, plans for vacation at the end of the month, and worry about my son’s health issues. I’m firmly planted in this world.

When I do spend time with Christ, I don’t see it as a time to build a relationship with him. I pray for relatives, friends, and strangers. Maybe complain about my personal problems, ask forgiveness for my latest slipup, or fuss about something that’s bothering me. But Christ wants more; he wants me to love him “with all my heart, mind, and soul,” not just dump on him. My time with him has become a one way street—me talking to him. The part that’s missing is that precious time when I listen and let him minister to me. That’s how a deep relationship is built.

This video clip showed me I’ve gotten off track. Yes, I live in this world and can love all the things I do and am, but also I can be close to God, so close I long to see his face.

FOR WRITERS:
This week notice the “big questions” your friends are discussing on Facebook, Twitter, or in person. Write them down and ask yourself how you can write something that would address the answers. This is one way to generate ideas for articles, short stories, devotions, or blog posts. Who knows, this may even turn into something bigger.

Knowing God's Will

2010-06-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

The job opportunity felt like God’s will. My husband wasn’t happy with his current corporate position, even though there was security, a comfortable salary, and benefits. He’d dreamed of something better and Jim showed my husband how he could make lots of money, be his own boss, set his own hours. We were new parents, new Christians. Was this from God? Sure felt like it. Was it scary to step out on this new adventure? Yes, but we were sure God would take care of us.

Larry gave his notice and quit his job. We stepped out on faith; certain this was God’s will.

A week into this new opportunity and Larry knew he’d gone to work for someone who wasn’t honest. And the promised money was nothing but that, a promise. We’d stepped out on faith, but it was more like we’d jumped off a cliff. How could this have happened?

Looking back we realize we made several big mistakes. How can you tell if an opportunity is God’s will? Pray about it, yes, but then check it out. We knew someone who could’ve told us Jim was nothing but hot air—all we had to do was talk to him. Listen to those around you. If this is from God, trusted advisors and family members will confirm your decision. We skipped this step too. Ask if you’re confusing God’s voice with your emotions. We were attracted to Jim’s promises, his charisma, the idea of trading in a corporate job for something more creative. Take your time. If you aren’t sure, and someone is pressuring you to make a decision, then ask for more time. If this is from God, big breaks will be there the next day, six weeks, even six months from now.

These principles can be applied to just about any decision you’re facing—a new job, a move across the country, a potential spouse, or a puppy. Perhaps our painful experience can save you from making the mistake we did.

FOR WRITERS
As a writer it can be hard to know God’s will for your career. Fiction? Nonfiction? Articles? Books? What topic should you concentrate on? Family, money, Bible studies, historical fiction, mysteries, children’s books? Should you follow your heart or what’s selling? Almost every writer I know struggles with this question at one time or another. Some things to take into consideration are:

1) Do you need to make money? If so then you may need to write articles and cover topics that you might not be interested in, in order to earn a paycheck.

2) What is your passion? If you don’t need to earn money, then follow your passion. If you love children’s books and this is what you’ve always wanted to write, then follow that dream. Become an expert in that genre. Your love will come through your words.

3) If you don’t know, then try different types of writing and genres until you discover the place that makes you happiest.

4) Above all, bathe everything in prayer and ask God to show you where he wants you to use your gift.

The Message

2010-05-31T12:15:00.000-07:00

My dad served as a signalman on a ship in the Pacific during World War II. He was on duty one night when he received a message that needed to be taken to the captain immediately. The captain and most of the ship’s crew were down below, watching a movie. He was booed as he walked into the room and interrupted everyone’s good time. He ignored the comments and shouts of his fellow navy men because he knew the message was important. In fact, it would change their lives. The Japanese had surrendered.

My dad died ten years ago of cancer and the days that stir my memories of him more than any others are Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Veteran’s Day. He shared a few stories of his service, some of them were funny, some of them touching. Each of them I treasure with pride.

FOR WRITERS
Capture the stories your parents tell. You might not ever publish them, but they will make memories you can pass along to your children and grandchildren. These memories may be some of the most valuable stories you ever write.

The Scent of a Baby

2010-05-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

I read once that smell more than any of our senses touches our emotions. Real estate agents know this and will place on simmer a pan of water with a stick of cinnamon in a house they are showing. Or they’ll put a sheet of cookies in the oven. Nothing makes a house feel like home more than the aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

I thought about this as I held my two-week-old grandson, Drew, Thursday night and buried my face in his neck. I breathed deeply of his scent. What exactly is it? Shampoo, their breath, spit up, laundry soap? The grandpa on Everybody Loves Raymond used to smell his grandchildren, saying it was the sweet scent of youth.

Whatever the source of that unique odor, the emotions that welled up in me as I cuddled Drew will last a lifetime. I think the smell of a baby is the scent of love.

FOR WRITERS
Most writers forget to use the sense of smell when describing a setting. They are quick to add physical descriptions, maybe even sounds, but few go that extra mile and describe the aromas in their scenes. Add this dimension and you’ll engage the readers’ emotions fully.

An Empty Lot

2010-05-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

The other day, my husband and I drove by a lot that had recently been cleared by a developer. The problem was, neither of us could remember what had stood there just a few short days before. Was it a home, an apartment building, or a business? We both were amazed at how quickly we could forget a building we passed by on a semi-regular basis.

Later it dawned on me that some of our lives are like that. We don’t make an impression on the people around us and when we move or die, no one will miss us very much. That thought took me back. Would I be remembered by my neighbors? By the people in my church? My friends? Do I stand out? Or am I just part of the background?

God has called us to love our neighbor. That means actively being a part of their lives, saying hello on the street, getting to know them, inviting them into my home. I know I fall short and have vowed to do a better job of being involved in the lives of those around me.

FOR WRITERS
Sometimes we become so focused on reaching the world with our message that we forget we have a mission to love our neighbors, our friends, our family. We pray about how we can get published, but maybe we also should pray about how God can use us to minister to the people who populate our world on a daily basis. An e-mail to a parent, a note to your spouse telling them how much they mean to you, or to your child telling them you noticed something special about them. In the long run, that could mean more than your next publishing credit.

Drew Bodmer

2010-05-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

Drew Shanahan Bodmer, born 5/7/10, parents, David and Merrick, are doing fine. Drew was just two hours old in this picture. Drew is my first grandchild and I'm so thankful that everything went well. He lives in the Seattle area and I will be able to see him often. If you're wondering about the hat, his mother is from Scarsdale, NY.

Waiting

2010-05-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

My grandson was due April 25th and today is May 4th and he still hasn't made his appearance. Waiting is hard, no matter what our age. His father was 10 days overdue and my husband and I joke this is payback for making us wait those 10 long, hot summer days for his arrival.

We wait for lots of things and it never gets any easier, does it? As children, we waited with expectation for Christmas, our birthday, school to get out for the summer. Now we wait for vacations, promotions, our children to come for a visit, or that call that says we got the job.

As Christians, we wait for Christ’s return. Do we wait with the same anticipation? I have to admit that I don’t. His return seems like something way off in the future and yet, we are cautioned in the Bible to be ever prepared, as a bride waits for her bridegroom.

Matthew 25:13: "Keep watch! For you do not know the day or hour of my return."

FOR WRITERS

As writers, we submit a query letter or an article, then wait weeks to hear back. As book authors, we wait months to hear from an editor and even when we get a yes, it can be a year or more before our book sees a bookstore shelf. Waiting is part of the business. While you wait, get busy and start another project.

An Encounter

2010-05-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

I ran into Jill at a going away party for a mutual friend. I hadn’t seen her for years and when I saw her over across the hors d’oeuvre table I remembered that a few years ago an e-mail had circulated asking for prayer for Jill’s son. He had cancer and was going to have a bone marrow transplant. Funny, but I couldn’t recall the outcome of that procedure. She smiled and we hugged and exchanged pleasantries. She seemed fine, but fragile, like those fancy tea cups and saucers my mother collects. A small bump and she’d break. So I asked.

“He died,” she said. “Three years ago. He was seventeen.” Her eyes became rimmed in red and the tears made them seem larger than before. “But I’m doing better now. The first year I couldn’t talk about it or leave my house, but now I’m able to get out. And I want to tell people.”

My heart swelled and felt as if it would burst through my ribs. A mother’s worst fear is to lose one of her children. How could she stand it? I asked questions, letting her talk about his illness, his last days, his death. Funny, you’d think this would make both of us feel worse, but by the end, I was filled with hope. This fine young man was a Christian and his last days were filled with his love for God and his family. He knew where he was going. Do you?

Through My Bifocals

2010-04-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

I picked out new glasses this week. The gal who helped me laid 20 pairs on the table. I tried each one on, eliminating those I didn’t like and putting the maybes in another pile. Finally, we whittled my choices down to three. I carefully tried these on again and tried to imagine wearing them for the next two years. What I wanted was a pair that would make me look 10 years younger, 20 pounds thinner, would show off my blue eyes, and match everything in my closet. No wonder the choice was difficult.

What I really wish my glasses would do is help me see more of the good qualities in my husband and fewer of the things I wish he’d change about himself. I want lenses that will make me more observant of the beauty around me instead of the worries in my heart. Lastly, I want them to help me alert to the pain in my friend’s face. When she says she’s okay, I want to see the truth, that she needs to talk about her son and she’s too embarrassed to bring him up yet again because we’ve been praying for him for two years and it seems the situation is getting worse instead of better. Do you suppose my optometrist sells a pair like that?

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (1 Cr 13:12 KJV)

FOR WRITERS
Become more aware of the world around you by mentally describing what you see as you travel in your car. Include the five senses touch, taste, smells, sounds, and sight. Practice writing these scenes in a journal. Have fun coming up with the names for colors and the sounds a motor or a bird makes as he calls for his mate. Just as a pianist practices at the piano, writers need to practice writing.

A Salty Life

2010-04-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

My husband took me out to breakfast. I ordered something I don’t have every day, eggs and home fried potatoes. Unfortunately, the potatoes were too salty, which ruined them for me. This made me think about how Jesus called us to be salt in the world. Salt is a seasoning. If sprinkled on our favorite dish, it can bring out the flavor of food. In fact, some foods, like eggs, are tasteless without salt. However, too much and we spoil the dish.

Can we do the same thing with our witness? Can we spoil the effect when we are overbearing and a know-it-all? Did I overdo it the time I was at my sister’s and a man came on spouting new age junk, and I stated in no uncertain terms, “What a lot of bunk”? Or how about the time I tried to argue with my other sister about baby baptism vs. adult baptism and we ended up hurting one another’s feelings? What kind of “salt” was I that day? These are just two examples of times I should have used less salt.

FOR WRITERS:
Check your stories and articles to see if you’ve sprinkled the love of Christ throughout your manuscript. Signs that you might have overused the saltshaker are excessive use of the word you, telling the reader how they must live, Christianese, phrases and words that have lost their meaning, and preaching, long stretches when you tell the reader about what the Bible says instead of showing them through interesting anecdotes and stories.

Visit www.judybodmer.com

To Market, To Market

2007-03-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

Probably the last thing we think about when noodling over the details of our novels is the market. Yet, that's probably the most important element if you want to get published. You can have beautiful prose, words that sing, metaphors that send shivers down an editors spine, but if your book doesn't have an audience, it will die in the marketing meeting and never see the light of day.

Who will buy this book? the money crunchers want to know. If the editor can say 10 million women who are interested in red widgets--you have a winner.

So why not plan a plot that takes into consideration red widgets? Your main character can manufacture them, sell them in a fancy shop on Pike Street in Seattle, or be out to destroy the inventor. It's impossible to wedge that sort of plot material after the fact, but it can liven up a novel during the planning stage.

If you do, you might have a winner.

Share with us how you've worked a market into your novel.

Do I Need an Agent?

2007-03-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

I've begun the arduous process of looking for an agent after mine left the business. (Sad truth; he didn't get rich off my book sales.) It can be as hard to find an agent as it is to find a publisher, why would I even waste my time?

1. A good agent knows the market. He or she can take my novel directly to the editors who are interested in a suspense novel. I, on the other hand, can read the writer's markets, Publisher's Weekly, attend writer's conferences and still only know one or two that might be right for my project.

2. An agent already has a rapport with the editors. It will take me time to develop that relationship.

3. If there is high interest in my novel, an agent can organize a bidding war between publishers. This has happened to people I know.

4. An agent will negotiate a higher advance. Mine got an unbelievable amount for my first book; something I could never have done on my own. Why is this important? If your book doesn't do well, it may be all the money you get out of your work. I know that your book is going to be the exception and sell 100,000 copies its first four months on the market. This advise is for the rest of us.

5. An agent knows all of the ins and outs of contracts. Something small like foreign rights or film rights may seem meaningless when you're blinded by that first book offer, but the amount of money you receive from these sales can amount to a lot of money if your book does well, or even moderately well.

6. An agent can look at your book and suggest changes that will help make your proposal stronger, thus making it more marketable.

An agent takes 15 percent of your earnings. If the above is something you feel you can take care of yourself, then my all means, do it.

WARNING: Avoid agents who want you to pay money up front.

If you have had experiences with agents, this may be a good place to share what those were. We can learn from each other.

http://www.judybodmer.com

Last Scene, to write or not to write

2007-01-30T12:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've finished the rough draft, all but the final scene. Should I write it? I'm tempted to leave it until after I've gone through the book one more time. This will leave a carrot dangling out in front of me, something left to do that keeps me working. If I write the last scene now, it will be like letting all the air out of my balloon. Or at least that's my fear. I'm going to leave it. I'll let you know if it works.

Getting Back on Track

2007-01-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, Christmas is over, the stockings are put away, the tree is out on the curb, and the parties are all behind me. It's time to get back to my book. I tried to keep up by writing when I could. I wrote about 5,000 words in December. That kept my head in the book, but alas I'm way behind my writing goal. It felt like the project I was so passionate about just a few weeks ago is now a job, or something my teacher assigned and I have to do.

The hardest part about putting a book aside is picking it back up. What was the Main character's father's name? Where exactly did she go to school? Who was her coach in high school. What was that old boy friend's name and why was it so important for her to reach that goal? The passion has waned and now I have to pick it all back up again. It's like spilling your jewelry box across the floor and trying to pick everything up and match it again.

One way to do it, is to go back and reread the whole thing. Another is to reread your plot line (this is recommended by me. But you have to have one in order to do this). If you find the plot line feels a little old, add some new twists, heighten the tension by giving the character a stronger reason to reach her/his goal.

Set a new writing goal. Mine is 1,000 words/five days a week.

I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, keep writing.

Save yourself a lot of heartache AND work

2006-11-11T10:16:00.000-08:00

Write a treatment.

Okay, so now I've plotted my book out. What next? I rethink the whole thing. I ask myself the hard questions about whether or not my plot is believable. I make sure that the whole idea is compelling and worry constantly about what my character wants--is it strong enough to carry a reader to the end. I change this and add that, move this scene to here and discover a neat ending that I hadn't even thought about at the beginning of this process. I made the father a nice guy, instead of a bad guy. When I am satisfied with my plot, I let it rest for a day or two.

Next I wrie a treatment. I take all of those scenes and write at least a paragraph about each one as I see them played out in the novel. They aren't perfect (I'm sure my opening scene will change after I'm finished with the book.) I do this for chapters one through six, which is what will be equivalent to Act One--it takes us up to the point of no return in the first section. Something happens here that changes evrything for my heroine. It's something so awful and so horrible, I don't know if she can survive.

Having written this out, I read it over and think I'm ready to start writing my novel. The morning I'm ready to begin, I'm soaking in my bathtub when it comes to me--I have a major flas in my book.

Now if I had started to write and was now two thirds of the way through and came upon this flaw, I would be in crisis. Because I only have short scenes and a treatment written--I can change the problem easily.

I don't have to commit literary suicide and throw the whole thing in the trash. I'm so grateful that I'm taking the time to work this process.

Next, I'll talk about the actual writing of the novel and what happens during this process.

Don't settle for an old hat

2006-10-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

We have watched movies and TV show and read books since we were small. Our heads are full of plot ideas. When we go to write our own stories, it's natural to pick the plot line that we've seen before. They can even be our favorite ideas. But don't go there. Take a moment to think about your characters next move. Is that truly fesh? I just went back over my plot line for my newest book and realized that my opening scene has been done about a kazillion times. Yes, it's exciting, yes, it would draw the read in--just like it has in all those other novels that started the same way. But is that what I want? No. I want something fresh and as nearly new as I can make it. The scene had to go. I hit the delelte key.

Painful? Not nearly as much as it would have been if I'd written the whole scene out in great detai, taken it to my writing group for their approval, rewritten it a couple of times, fallen in love with all the nuances of my clever sentences. What I cut was two sentences. Just the outline that I was making of what I forsaw my book to be.

That's why I'm arguing for writing out an outline of your book before you start. I've written books the other way--a vague idea of where I wanted to go, a character who I loved, and then I turned my pen loose. Trouble was, I kept getting lost in my novel. I'd come to deadends or plot ideas would rise up in the middle that needed to be planted in the front of the book. The rewrite was painful and complicated.

This time I'm doing a detailed plot line. Some of you might want to use 3 x 5 notecards. I did it on a table in my computer. Each column was give then title: POV (point of view), Setting, Goal, Disaster, and Growth.

You may chose to tell you story from one point of view. That's fine. Then you can eliminate the first column. Setting column is a way to make sure you're not putting all of your action in one place--the kitchen, or the barn, or a car. You can study these and see if there is some place more interesting to place the action that you want to take place.

Goal is what the character hopes will happen in this scene. This is a way to make the scene character driven and not just character reacting.

Disaster is how you want the plot to thicken. The character goal may be to get a raise from her boss. The disaster would be he says yes, but only if she'll work the late shift.

Character growth, makes sure that your characters are growing throughout the action of the story. From selfish to giving, from bitter to hopeful, from depressed to happy.

Now that I have these colums filled out, I think about them and work them over and change them. It's so much easier than working with a 90,000 word novel.

I highly recommend this. Next, I'll tell you about writing a treatment.

Turning an idea into a plot

2006-10-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

Now that you have an idea for your novel, think about these three things. Who will bring this idea to fruition--charater? How will they do it--plot line? And where will they do it--setting.

Every novel that has made a mark in the publishing world has had one character that has stood out from the rest. This is the main character. Before you chose who this person is spend a lot of time thinking about them. They may come to you quickly, or they may come to you slowly. However they are created by you (I don't advise basing characters on real people) they should be bigger than life. Think about the characters that stand out in your mind, either from movies or books. For me they are Scarlett O'Hara, Luke Skywalker, James Bond, Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, David from the Bible, Nancy Drew from my childhood, etc. What makes them memorable? They are bigger than life.

This doesn't mean they aren't real people, athough James Bond comes closer than the others to being unrealistic. They had faults and strengths; they grew throughout their stories; some of them were even unlikeable. They achieved impossible goals. They lived life wholly. They were strong. They were not victims--and if they were, they faced their tragedy with courage and vowed to change things. They were courageous. Develop your character along the lines of the ones you remember. Spend time brainstorming about their background, their parents, their childhood. Write out defining moments in their lives. Develop a need in them, something that throbs within their very being. Define their core beliefs about life.

If you do, I promise the next step--putting them in the plot line, will be much easier.

Beginning a new book

2006-10-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

For those of you who want to write a book, you might be interested in the process. It begins with the idea. Something triggers your imagination. Write it down. In my case it was something I saw on Oprah a couple of years ago. A story about a man who was shot in the face. He's a police officer who was on a domestic abuse call. The abuser, instead of shooting his wife, shot the officer. Since that day, this young man has been unable to work. His story was compelling. I thought about writing something similar and I mulled it over in my mind for a few days. Then I forgot it. Recently I saw another story about someone else shot in the face and that triggered all of those thoughts again.

But an idea for a novel isn't necessarily that idea. It's a jumping off place. After mulling it over for several days, I went deeper than this. If I'm going to write a novel, the idea has to be way more than this.

If you want to write a novel too, then I urge you to avoid writing the first thing that comes into your mind. Those stories have already been written. Go deeper. For every plot line you choose, make a list of at least ten ways to go and pick the one that intrigues you the most.

If you follow this advice, you'll be more likely to write something new and fresh and something an editor will want to look at. In my next installment, we'll look at what to do with the idea to develop it into a novel.

Book interrupted

2006-08-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of rewriting a nonfiction book for republication. I'd been working on it for a couple of weeks when I was interupted by my son's wedding. A weekend affair ended up taking two weeks out of my writing life. Today I'm trying to pick up the pieces and I feel very much like the proverbial woman who spread a pillow case full of feathers around the countryside. So many ideas and thoughts and half-formed suggestions have to be picked back up and put into my brain. I have to juggle what the editor said in his rewrite letter, what I want to do to make the book better than it was orginally, the new research I've done, and a list of things I have to cut, add, and rewrite. I have to remember to delete the footnotes, add the questions at the end of the chapters, and not tell the same story twice.

It seems impossible, like picking up those feathers. I put it off all morning and finally began after lunch. A tentative start, but a start nontheless.

Will I make the deadline? Right now it seems unlikely.

when a son weds

2006-08-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

I don't have daughters and so I don't know what it feels like to watch one marry, but I've now had two sons marry (the last one just a week ago). I looked forward to each occassion with happiness and expectation, for I wasn't losing a son (as I'd been warned), but gaining two cohorts in this male-filled world of mine. They're not romantic, they're both practical, but they like feminine things. I've been up to my ears in G.I. Joe, Star Wars, baseball, football, creepy crawlie things, motors, and tools. Now I get to buy pretty clothes, flowered centerpieces, scented candles, and pretty knitted things. Perhaps one day we'll even talk babies. Do I dare dream?

Son's wedding

2006-08-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

In three days my youngest son is getting married. It's been hectic, getting the house ready for out-of-town guests. My husband has been an incredible help. He shampooed all my carpets and is outside right now working in the yard.

This evening my oldest son and his bride of one year will be flying in from Tennessee and staying with us for one week. My husband and I are as excited about this as the wedding for we haven't seen them in over a year.

Weddings are a celebration of love, but they also bring two families together, who just a short while ago were total strangers. Now we're linked forever by a simple "I do."

My prayers is that God will be present in every aspect of the ceremony and the days leading up to the big event. May the newly weds understand that he wants to be part of their relationship and that if they invite him in, he will help them have a fuller, richer relationship.

Tonight the two immediate families are meeting at our home for dinner. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner and then a cruise on Lake Washington for all invited guests. Saturday is the wedding, at the Seattle Tennis Club. The couple want Mt. Rainier in the background as they exchange their vows. Reception to follow.

You all can come to the brunch the next morning at our house and watch them open their presents. It will be an informal affair.

A new project

2006-07-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

I've just received the rewrite letter for my book What's in the Bible for Mothers. It's nine pages long. Yikes! I have two months to make the changes and get it back to my editor. I'm filled with dread at the possibility of missing this deadline. I have an editing job, my son's wedding, a trip to Idaho, and other assorted responsibilities cluttering up my life. Will I make it? Can I do it?

Janet Lee Carey, author of numerous children's books including her latest The Beast of Noor, has given me this great piece of advice. Take in one step at a time. Do the little things first.

She should know. I've watched her over the years make major changes in her novels. If she can do it, so can I. Thanks, Janet, for showing me the way.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Walk two moons

2006-07-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

There's a saying that goes something like this, if we're to understand someone else we need to walk two moons in their shoes. For most of us we easily apply this to friends, nieghbors, and casual acquaintances. We give these people lots of grace and understanding for their little quirks, afterall they had a tough life, a mother who was overbearing, a father who abandoned them when they were a teen, or a handicap that held them back. But when it comes to our spouses, are we as generous?

I don't like that question. Even though I asked it myself I have to answer no. I set almost an impossible standard for my husband. And yet, to truly love him, to understand why he is the way he is, I must see the world through his eyes.

A challenge to me, and to you, is to try walking in his shoes for one day and record what you find.

Let me know what you discover.

Camas Prairie vacation

2006-06-28T15:12:00.000-07:00

Roast beef on a bun slathered in BBQ sauce; homemade baked beans and potato salad eaten under the pine trees in a community park as a local rock/country/oldie band plays live music--all for six dollars. It's the annual June Picnic in Craigmont, Idaho (population, under 600). I go every year to remember what life could be like--simple, pleasant, no one in a hurry. People have time to stop and ask me what I've been up to and how are my children. They share with me about their daughter who's getting married, the new grandbabies, the job, the remodeling project, and none of it sounds like one upmanship.

The sun is warm and I'm too full for the huckleberry pie I had my eye on earlier that was being served by the Winchester church ladies. I didn't win anything in the church raffle, but my sister did. She's taking home the handstitched dishtowels. My cousin won the afghan.

My nephew and his wife leave early--a disappointing loss in the volley ball tournament. My brother tells me there was a good turnout up at the amateur logging exposition. My nieces and nephews all want to go up town and buy a Lion Club's hamburger (voted best in the Lewiston Tribune's latest poll). This after eating candy they've collected from the floats in the parade earlier. One said it's like Christmas, Halloween, and his birthday all rolled into one.

My husband stretches out on the grass and takes a nap. I hear about my nephew who's going to Iraq in October and my brother-in-law who will be climbing a mountain in a few weeks. My uncle talks about his cancer treatments and my aunt about the death of her son, but it's not sadness that I take away from these conversations. It's hope.

God's not mentioned and yet he's there among us--made more real by the everydayness of our conversations.

A desire to be loved

2006-06-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

Since I was little, I've had this inner desire to be loved. Now I'm in a marriage that often doesn't fulfill that deep need. To those who know my husband, this may be a surprising statement, becasue he's a wonderful man on so many levels. But let's face it, he's not affectionate. He grew up in a home where love was expressed by how hard you worked. He saw his mother and father kiss once and can't remember ever being held on his mother's lap. So when it comes to showing outward affection for me, it's like asking a blind man to describe his face.

Intellecutally I know this, but it still doesn't quench the thirst in my soul. But it's interesting how prayer helps. I will often pray that he'll take my hand or put his arm around my shoulders or say some word(s) that express his love of me, and he does.

Another thing that helps--when I hug my husband, he has to to hug me back. When I take his hand, he has to hold mine in return.

I also remember: he needs my love probably more than I need his.

It can be difficult living with a man like this, but on the other hand, those moments when he remembers my need and shows me clearly that he cares are treasured highly.

If you live in a marriage like this, then I highly recomment my book When Love Dies: how to save a hopeless marrige. You can find it at amazon.com.

As useful as an old shoe

2006-05-25T16:09:00.000-07:00

"I'm as useful as an old shoe tossed in the corner of a closet," I moaned to God during my morning prayer time. It seemed like forever since I'd felt as if my life mattered. Oh, sure, there were things I was doing, but in the big picture what did they really matter.

The next morning my phone rang. It was a woman from New Jersey calling to ask me a question. She'd gone to Amazon.com to buy a book for a friend who was having problems in her marriage and she saw my book, When Love Dies. She bought it instead and one for herself. She'd read it and it had changed her life. She saw herself through the words I'd written and she'd forgiven herself and her husband for thirteen years of misery. She saw her husband with new eyes. She also had a new realtionship with Christ. It had made such a difference in her life, she'd bought three more copies to give to friends.

I wept as she talked. God was using me. I might not be able to see it, but my willingness to put on paper the journey I'd made through my marriage--putting it back together after wanting to divorce my husband--was still saving others.

This morning I no longer see myself as a discarded shoe. Instead I'm an important tool in God's arsenal. I'm sharp and ready to be used at a moment's notice.

Sisters

2006-05-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going shopping with my sister. I haven't seen her for over a month and that's a shame since we live within two miles of each other. She went back to work. That's not an excuse, but a reason, I suppose.

Sisters are different than friends. Friends come and go, but sisters are ever present in your life. I have some friends from high school that I see about every ten years (reunions) and hear from only at Christmas time. Other friends, we get together once a year for our annual Fourth of July celebration. But my sisters--they're there at Easter, Thanksgiving, weddings, funerals, and every celebration in between. There's a special bond. We know our history. We've seen each other at our worst and at our best. We know each other's weaknesses. And we love each other anyway.

Sisters--I'm fortunate. I'm rich. I have two of them. And I get to spend time with one of them today--shopping.

Truth in Fiction

2006-05-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

The buzz over the Da Vinci Code has brought to mind the importance of telling truth--even in fiction. I hear people saying to those that are upset over the misinformation that is being passed off as truth in this book to, "Get over it. It's fiction."

Okay, but where do we draw the line? How many people are reading this, and other books, and believing what they read? The line between fact and fiction becomes fuzzy and readers can't tell the difference. As writers we have a responsibility to present truth.

Historical fiction writers do research to make sure that what they are presenting is as close to what actually occured as they can make it. They study language. Did that word even exist back in 1897? Could the main character have picked up a gallon of milk at her local grocery store in 1900? When was sagebrush introduced into the U.S.?

Most fiction writers that I know do as much research to make sure the facts in their books are as acurate as the nonfiction writers.

Why? Because we know the power of the written word. It's easy to pass along misinformation to our readers. We also don't want anyone putting our books down because they know we got the facts wrong--a doctor or nurse would know if we misstate a medical fact.

Dan Brown purports that his book is fiction. Okay, the characters are made up. But the facts behind his story must be historically acurate. No one should read his book and come away believing something that isn't true. He owes us truth.

Love is patient

2006-05-17T22:33:00.000-07:00

"Why is the sky blue," asked my four-year-old son. "Why do dogs bark and cats meow?" "Why do we eat cereal for breakfast?" "Why does Grandma live far away?" "Why does Daddy have to go to work?" His questions were endless and there were times I wanted to yell, "shut up," but I didn't. Because I loved him.

The same is true of marriage. There are things my husband does that drives me absolutely crazy and if I dwell on them, they rub a sore spot in my soul and begin to fester and before I know it, I'm not liking him very much. Love looks over these things, as long as they aren't self-destructive, and at some point they start to become endearing.

It used to drive me crazy, the way he ate his cereal in the morning. He'd dunk every flake over and over. Don't try and figure out why that bothered me, it just did. I had to bury my head in the newspaper so I wouldn't notice what he was doing. But after ignoring this behavior for a long period of time, I no longer even notice it. That's what love is, not letting the little things bother us anymore--I'll bet there are plenty of things I do that bug him too.

The Holy Grail

2006-05-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

I watched an interesting program on TV tonight about the search for the Holy Grail. Dan Brown in the Da Vinci Code says he believes it to be Mary Magdalene, but for centuries it was thought to be a chalise, the cup that Jesus drank from the night before he died. This chalise has launched wars that lasted for hundreds of years and in the end, it looks like it all was the figment of a 12 Century writer.

But is it? Aren't we all searching for something holy? It can take on many forms depending who we are. For a writer it can be that perfect story, for a poet a sonnet, for a painter a portrait, an architect a building, a baseball player that perfect game. It seems as if most of us have a need to search for the perfection whether it be within or without.

It's my contention that the Holy Grail is only a breath away. It's humbling ourselves, acknowledging that there is a power greater than us, and submitting our will to His.

Do you have the courage to take up the challenge of this search? The one that will lead to eternal riches?

Lose 30 pounds

2006-05-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Ephedra, Weight Watchers, diet pills, exercise, surgery--all lead to what our society holds up as the ideal--a thin body. Yes, I know part of it is for health reasons, but give me a break. When was the last time you heard anyone talk about what really matters--what's going on in our hearts.

It's my belief that if we worried more about the condition of the heart, we'd have less crime, fewer abortions, the divorce rate would plummet, and there would be fewer people with drug and alchohol problems. But, of course, we can't teach about that in the classroom--things like self-control, putting others first, forgiveness--that's too close to religion. And we can't have that.

Instead, let's worry more about the outer man and make laws to control him. That's working really well.

Simon Cowell

2006-05-10T10:02:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are fans of American Idol. I've come to appreciate Simon Cowell over the years. What we need more of in our lives is someone who tell us truth.

I'm a writer and I don't need anyone telling me my writing is fine or great or okay. What I want is someone to speak up and say, "That performance can bee seen every Friday night in a karaoke bar." I have to be better than that if I'm going to catch an editor's eye.

Sure it's hard to hear that your mediocre and we boo Simon for saying what he says, but he's a pofessional. He knows. These young wannabes better listen. What they are being given is worth millions.

Now if only an editor would say more to me than, "This is not right for our house." What the heck does that mean?

Miners in Australia Freed

2006-05-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

My paper this morning had a picture of those miners that were freed in Australia. Two weeks underground and they walked out alive. Their faces reflected their joy. I can't imagine being trapped like that in a dark, hopeless place, fearing for my life.

It brought to mind another kind of entrapment--that of expectations in a marriage. I buried my husband in a hopeless place just as dark as that mine with my desires for him to act and be a certain way. I wanted him to be more romantic and was always just a bit disappointed in his efforts to bring me a card or take me out to dinner or buy me a present.

I wanted him to be home at night at a certain time even though traffic and his boss's demands were often out of his control. I'd punish him with my silence or my words, believing he did this to me for some deep, dark motive.

I wanted him to say certain words to me--I'd play the scenario out in my head and when he didn't come through, I'd cry or mope or walk out of the room.

Reading this over, I don't sound like a nice person, do I? But I'm not much different than you, trying to get my needs met through someone else. I felt unloved and wanted him to make the feeling go away.

It was when I stopped this behavior and opened the prison of expectations, that joy returned to my husband's face.

He likes being around me and looks forward to coming home. He's grown much more romantic over the years and he says the sweetest things to me. No, he's not perfect, but then neither am I. And that feeling of being unloved? Has disappeared as I've discovered the best way to be loved is to allow your man to be free.

2006-05-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

Hello,
My name is Judy Bodmer and this is my first attempt at blogging. It's a bit scary to put my thoughts out there for everyone to see, but hopefully the benefits will go both ways as I hear your comments come back to me.

I've written a couple of books, but the most popular one is titled, When Love Dies: How to Save a Hopeless Marriage. My goal in writing it was to talk to other women who feel as if they no longer love their husbands, something I went through. It's a lonely place, especially if you're a Christian. Hopefully, you can tell me about your pain in this forum and we can discuss it and hear from others who are going through similar struggles. Maybe in the telling we can find mutual support. I find there is great healing in knowing I'm not alone.

I'm also a writing instructor and from time to time I'll probably have thoughts about the craft of writing. Or you may hear me rant about my latest rejection. Perhaps you'll rejoice with me over an acceptance.

Whatever you're going through, I hope we can find mutual comfort from each other's stories and be inspired to do better.